Marriage has been a sacred institution for a really long time. It has forever been the divine connection of two bodies and souls. But this has only been the case in traditional India as modern India tends to tee off from the concept entirely.
Of late, marriage, in a majority of the cases, isn’t as sacred anymore. Sure thing, marriages in this generation are still the same. The significance remains, but the sanctity has taken a dip. What was considered to be a taboo in the older generations, is now a mere practice of compatibility.
Indeed, sex before marriage isn’t bad. It is just a voluntary indulgence that results from a momentary feeling that says, “yes, they are the one.” And yet, more often than not, the quest of finding the perfect better half continues, probably because the relationship ended up sour.
However, there are many more reasons that lead up to premarital sex. Take a look at some of the possible causes. You might find something extremely relevant.
Possible Reasons Behind Sex Before Marriage
Sex before marriage is as common as relationships these days. Be it doing it in a relationship or after getting wasted over alcohol. Sex is no longer a big deal.
1. Long relationships
Sex is always a distinct possibility for couples who have been in a long term relationship. As a matter of fact, it does take some time for you to grow comfortable around each other. Hence, the longer the relationship, the easier it is for either of the partners or both, to give in to the idea of having premarital sex.
Irresistibility is something that needs to be taken into account. An act of having sex might not feel extremely pleasurable every time you do it, but the idea or thought of having it definitely will. Imagine you have been with your partner for around six months, and all you could end up doing are spooning and dry humping. Guess what, the idea of having sex in such a scenario would be absolutely irresistible.
Did you know that a considerable number of individuals have indulged into having premarital sex only because the partner “was the right one?” A couple of years into the relationship and people start to think that the bond is meant to last. And since relationships before marriage are more like compatibility tests, you both don’t end up on the same page.
4. Casual flings
Casual flings have become so very common these days. Such flings disregard the entire medieval concept of sex before marriage being a taboo. You meet up, fall for each other and hang out a lot. And then comes the fun intimacy part as the zenith of the relationship. But once that is done, things start to fall apart in a few meetings thereafter.
5. Growing number of females in workplaces
Thanks to the equal rights and feminism, we now have women flocking to the corporate fields like never before. This is a good thing for sure. Everyone deserves equality. However, what it does is opens up a new spectrum where sexual activities become common among unmarried adults. Call it casual flings or no strings attached, sex in the corporate industry is on the rise.
Addiction to sex is not a very common phenomenon, but definitely isn’t the rarest. You see, sex is incredibly pleasurable at first and then turns to be addictive, even if the satisfying quotient goes down. And once you are addicted, it is tough to resist.
7. More sexual activeness
The sexual activeness among unmarried people these days has shot off the roof. There is a vast number of people who have a very sexually active life even if they aren’t married to each other. Their partners can be either one or many, depending on how long the courtship lasts.
8. Increase in sex education
Sex education is wonderful and has been a boon to a society that had always turned the red signal to anything that could indicate physical intimacy. However, what sex education has done is it has brought an extreme level of comfort with the opposite sex. People now know that having sex isn’t a big deal, and all the fuss about virginity was unnecessary.
9. Declining rate of marriage
Studies will show you the compulsion of getting married has dipped to a great extent. People no longer shy away from being a single parent, and live-in relationships are cool. This may be alarming for the institution of marriage but does no harm to the independence that people have the right to.
10. Early maturity
Scientifically, women mature (physically) much ahead of men. However, the global age band of maturation is getting lower. Majority of the girls reach their full-fledged physical development by the age of 12-13 as compared to the 15-16 many years ago. That, paired with late marriages, makes the idea of premarital sex very common. Of course, resisting sex between maturing at 13 and marrying at 32 would be too much to ask for.
Can Premarital Sex Affect Marriages?
There has been a lot of debates over the years on how, or if at all, sex before marriage can affect future marriages. Each one of you might have your own little concept on whether or not that would be negative.
But to put things in perspective, it is essential for you to take all the possible effects into consideration, be it positive or negative. Only then will it have a clearer picture.
What Can Sex Do?
Sex is great, not only for the physical pleasure but for the emotions too. It increases attachment, big time. In fact, even science has a piece of evidence to back this theory. Getting as intimate as having sex releases the Oxytocin hormone, which is also known as the bonding chemical. It is best-known to brings about a sense of attachment and bonding among the couples.
However, as amazing as it sounds, this bonding hormone isn’t that great when you don’t end up marrying the person who you had your first sex with.
How Premarital Sex Can Affect Your Married Life
Since oxytocin, a bonding hormone, is secreted at the time of intercourse, you are most likely to have the sense of attachment with the person, irrespective of whether he/she turns out to be your spouse or not. So, even if you are married and want to have a good life, your attachment with your ex-mate will affect your feelings towards your present spouse.
2. Drawing comparisons
Now, this is something that can bring serious problems even in a happy married life. Involuntarily enough, you might end up comparing the experience from your premarital era with the current post-marital status. Though you are not expressing the contradicting facts that the sex after marriage is better, or not satisfactory at all, a thousand questions and hypothetical scenes in your mind will start to affect your behaviour.
3. Extra-marital affair
Indeed, having sex before marriage can even lead to an extra-marital affair. If you have had multiple sex partners before marriage and most of them were great at it, chances are you will not be delighted with your spouse. The constant thought of comparison will coax you to try something out of the relationship. Perhaps, that might be the only way to the satisfaction that you were once used to.
4. Pregnancy problems
Pregnancy problems may not be a direct effect of premarital sex, but they can be considered as an outcome of sex. You see, having a very active sex life before marriage requires contraception without a miss. However, in some instances, if you miss out on contraception, the emergency night-after pills certainly help. But think over it again, how much can excessive night-after contraceptives affect your health and future pregnancies?
STDs are sexually transmitted diseases and are found in many people. Unprotected sex can open the gate to such STDs, big time. But what is even more devastating is that once you get STD from sex before marriage, you will spread it to your spouse, and probably the future kids as well. The chances of having such diseases are especially very high when the person has been a victim of sexual assault. These intrusions are very hurtful and lead to grave problems in the future.
Having sex before marriage can lead to disappointment. If you have been in a long relationship with a man/woman and gave in to physical intimacy, you will regret the move if it turns sour. No dedicated person would like to be ditched after he/she has had sex. And this regret may eventually cause problems in your post-marriage life.
7. Fights and Divorce
Though this effect of sex before marriage is taking a dip, it needs to be told. Marrying a girl who is absolutely chaste (virgin) has been one of the primary (but unsaid) requirements in an arranged marriage. Hence, the moment the husband, or his family, finds out that the woman wasn’t chaste at the time of marriage, it may lead to a significant fight or even a divorce.
How Can Premarital Sex Affect Marriages Positively?
Premarital sex isn’t bad, at least not entirely. There are a few exceptions to the negatives of having sex before marriage. Though these exceptions lay buried deep under harmful effects, the modern-day open mentality is the answer to them.
Sure thing, if your partner is okay with the idea of you having sex partners before marriage, one thing you can make use of is the experience. You will have to admit, no one is perfect at it right on the first go, and it is much like a trial-and-error method until you hit the bull’s eye. But what if the trial-and-error attempts are made before marriage and you learn a lot of great things for your after marriage harmony? Sure sounds like a prosperous after-marriage sex life!
2. Great bonding
If you end up marrying the same person you had sex with, you are in for some serious happiness and bonding. Since sex before marriage is an excellent way to bond with the partner, that love and affection help a lot in the post-marriage life. Your life might just be close to bliss.
3. Saves extra-marital affair
Just as sex before marriage can lead to an extra-marital affair, it can save from one, too. Imagine, you have bad experiences with sex, and you know that it isn’t great always. Post this, even if you aren’t delighted with your spouse, you might not look for other partners to satisfy your desires as you would know that it is entirely normal.
4. Helps discover yourself
Not everyone knows their sexuality ahead of time. It is only after having heterogeneous sexual intercourse that people may discover their sexuality. Would it not be great to know your sexual preferences before getting married to the wrong person? Premarital sex allows you to get in touch with your sexuality and that can help you make better decisions for your marital and sex lives.
To Be or Not to Be – It is Your Choice
When we speak of being a virgin, we are often nudging at the woman’s direction. Years of brainwash has made us believe that virginity is truly the dignity of every woman. But we, as a society, forget that what goes on in a couple’s bedroom is none of our business. Being a virgin or not is and should be a personal choice.
Besides just the bad (or good) effects of premarital sex, there are other things to talk about when discussing the topic. For example, if you follow the holy books on religions, you will realise that most of them prohibit people from indulging in premarital sex. However, going by the trend and the ever-broadening mentality, it is tough for one to resist the feeling. So, if this mentality is to be accepted or practised in the long run, the effects of premarital sex will come down drastically.
Married couples will no longer fight over premarital sex. Of course, the idea of bonding with the old sex partners over oxytocin will have its side-effects, but your spouse might just have what it takes to get you over it. And you will live happily ever after – chaste or unchaste.