Having insecurities is part and parcel of life. It is one of those elements that go hand-in-hand with every single thing that you tend to do. However, at times, these insecurities take a steep turn and turn out to be more of anxiety that puts stress at its peak. You may have a lot of insecurities and inferiorities in your life, but seldom can anything be as tough as the performance anxiety that comes from your performance in the bedroom. Self-doubt and lack of confidence are the culprits here.
Sex is supposed to be a very pleasurable experience for everyone and it quite lives up to the expectation. However, with the fact that it is pleasurable, there is a soft concern regarding how much you can actually enjoy or satisfy your partner. And this is precisely where the sexual performance anxiety comes into the picture.
What causes sexual performance anxiety in men?
Being a man, there is always that one extra bit of expectation that lies on your shoulders and the male-organ to perform well. This, paired up with the fact that men always end up reaching the climax before the women do, puts the extra performance pressure.
Moreover, given the fact that sex is already the most intimate physical activity, a couple can indulge in, vulnerability inevitably crops up, especially if you are new. And as they say, hitting the third-base requires experience and a newbie could falter. Big time!
Here are some of the causes of anxiety over performance in the bedroom:
You are new
Irrespective of how big your penis sizes up when fully laden with excitement, your first time, or a few consecutive times, could be very nerve-wracking.
- What if your big size does not amount to any good?
- What if you ejaculate too early?
- What if you aren’t doing it right or going deep enough?
Such a lot of “what if’s” before you indulge into something as pleasurable as sex is definitely not good for your brain and genital brawn.
You don’t size up so impressive
Size is one of the major causes of sexual performance anxiety. Most men out there have an inferiority complex with the size of their penis. Sure thing, the flaccid is small, but it should definitely not be a cause of your strength. The size and girth of your erect organ matter.
However, since the size is well and truly a cause of concern of inferiority, you end up thinking that you will make a mockery of yourself in front of her.
Physique and Overall Health
Believe it or not, your body also has a huge say in your anxiety over your performance in the bedroom. Here is how things pan out:
- If you are in shape, you feel you are good enough to impress.
- If you are lean and muscular, your anxiety is covered up by the confidence of your drool-worthy physique.
- If you are slender or skinny, your performance anxiety tends to be on the highest. Apparently, you start lacking self-confidence over your competence of whether you can satisfy her to the fullest or not.
- And needless to say, people who are on the heavier side, or are obese, would understand very well how exhausting two minutes or humping could be. Running out of breath is very common, thus bringing in 10-15 seconds of break every minute. So many breaks while intercourse would do a world of harm to you and your partner’s arousal.
Perhaps, this is one of the most concerning problems in some men. For a start, men tend to get too carried away with the idea and excitement of having sex and end up ejaculating in just a couple of minutes. You may have some serious problems in this continues for a long time as your partner will feel the need to look for other ways of satisfying herself.
Problems in your relationship
You may not have rated this as one of the causes of performance anxiety but it does affect. Having issues in your relationship or fights over a long period of time can take away the necessary sheen away from your bedroom performance. Naturally, if have had tremendous problems with your partner, you will have a lot of problems getting all the feeling and sexual tension you need before intercourse.
Signs of erectile dysfunction
Erectile dysfunction is a very deep problem in men’s sexual health and should not be taken lightly. However, a minor lack of erection does not amount to erectile dysfunction but can be rooted in the absence of a stimulus. Hence, if you feel that you don’t get proper erections, you end up having performance anxiety in the bedroom.
Signs of sexual performance anxiety
There are many signs that show that you might have sexual performance anxiety. Though this may not affect your sexual health by a considerable margin, it may have a significant impact on your relationship. So, if you think you have sexual performance anxiety, look for these traits or symptoms:
1. You try to avoid sex at times
If you have performance anxiety, you might be thinking that avoiding sex for some time will boost your sexual tension. However, this is not true. If you keep avoiding sex all the time, your partner might get a negative impression about you and that might lead to adverse consequences.
2. Loss of interest
Loss of interest in having sex is a typical symptom to look out for. The avoidance of sex and the fear of not being the perfect man in the bedroom may cause you to lose interest in having sex. And once you have reached this stage, you might have a lot of problems coming.
3. Inability to reach the climax
Reaching the climax is a very important part of sexual intercourse. The amazing feeling of ejaculation while inside her is pure bliss. However, if you have anxiety over your performance in the bedroom, you might not even reach that stage. Some men suffer from this problem, that is, they start to lose the hard-on even before reaching the climax or ejaculating. A semi-hard penis won’t be that great for performance either.
4. No proper foreplay
Foreplay is a very important part of sex and heightens the pleasure and satisfaction. It can also help to compensate for an average intercourse session. However, what sexual performance does is that it causes you to shift your focus right on the penetration from the foreplay the moment you feel you have the peak erection. That bids goodbye to long and passionate foreplay.
5. Early ejaculation
Early ejaculation is a massive problem and a valid symptom for anxiety over performance in the bedroom. Sex requires a lot of focus and feelings. However, when either one is missing, you tend to ejaculate early. For example, if you are having sex with a lot of negative tension in your mind, you can barely focus on having fun. Result? See yourself ejaculating in just a minute or two.
How to cope with sexual performance anxiety?
Since erectile dysfunction isn’t the only cause of sexual performance anxiety, there are many things that you can do to cope up with the problem. With just a few changes in your lifestyle and you can see yourself improving from the anxiety, that too, without any medical help.
Wondering how? Read on!
– Make changes in your cycle
After a certain period of time, sex begins to feel very monotonous and drab. Reason? You follow a very identical routine, like only after dinner before going to bed, weekends, early mornings, etc. Following a similar pattern, all the time tends to get your anxiety higher. Hence, the best way to turn off the anxiety is having sex at odd times. So, if you have always had sex at night before drifting off to sleep, try the wake-up sex.
Exercise is the best answer to most health problems. A mere 20-30 minutes workout every day can decrease the risk of many issues, including performance anxiety. Moreover, a short jog or sprint every day and other pelvic-related workouts (such as Kegel) can allow your muscles to be able to pump more blood to the male organ when needed.
– Focus on your senses
Many of you may already know this, but as a matter of fact, your control over your senses can lead to great sex and less performance anxiety. It is quite a universally known truth that over-excitement at the time of intercourse can be controlled with focus. The more you learn to master your senses down there, the longer you can keep the blood streaming.
– Spice things up
It is only when you know what’s going to happen that you start avoiding it. But what if you change the entire idea of when and how you would have sex? As intriguing as it sounds, it would pay dividends too. Make unplanned arrangements, indulge in sex all of sudden, try out new ways to do it. All of this will definitely help you get out of your anxiety zone and excite you more for a long and passionate love-making session.
Take couple’s counselling
Counselling always helps to take away the unnecessary sexual performance anxiety away. However, if you can attend couples’ counselling sessions, it would do a world of good to your confidence and make you more comfortable in front of your partner. Moreover, it will build a better understanding between you two so that the problem isn’t only yours anymore and your partner knows about it too.
– Try sex therapies
Sex therapy is a lot like counselling but more focused on sexual intimacy. With the help of sexual therapy, you can address your anxiety over your performance in the bedroom by sharing it with a professional. Such therapies are more mental than physical, though the medical representative may suggest you specific tasks and exercises that could help you get rid of the problems.
Sex therapies can either be single or couple. Hence, if you are uncomfortable to let your partner know about the problems, you can attend yourself. This gives you an extra bit of comfort zone.
Are there any other ways?
Besides these, there are many ways how you could work on your performance anxiety and get rid of the problem once and for all. One useful way is to distract yourself from things that might get the stress back on. Perhaps, you can watch a romantic movie while you make love. This way, both you and your partner can indulge in sex without actually thinking or worrying about how long it would last. Instead, your focus would be on trying to play the way the movies show.
When should you see a doctor?
Having sexual performance anxiety may be a lot bigger problem than it seems, but seeing a doctor right away is not required at all. Instead, changing the lifestyle can help loads. May be including a short stint of workout every alternate day or specialised sexual exercises can have positive results.
However, seeing a doctor becomes mandatory when the problem persists, thus indicating to a deeper issue at hand. And once you see the doctor, the entire path will shift towards erectile dysfunction.
So if you feel that the problem is not about erectile dysfunction, you can do well without a doctor. Just a few counselling sessions will do the trick for you. Plus, taking initiatives yourself and making some changes in certain things that you have been doing to date should be enough.
And yes, never shy away from talking about your problem with your partner. She will definitely understand the anxiety level you are going through and can help you in your recovering phase. Or perhaps, she could even make the necessary changes for you to feel the difference.
Remember the spicy things you can do to get rid of the anxiety? Who could be better than spicing things in the bedroom than your partner? Some kinky positions or a new way of doing it could just be the turning point of your sex life and your performance anxiety could be a thing from the past.